Addicted – Kelly Clarkson
I still have the cocktail dress that I had intended to wear to his party. It used to be my favourite. I remember the elongated, creaky voice that came out of my mouth after screaming.
The lipstick colour was red and I truly did scrawl those words out across the bathroom mirror. It was an agonisingly long night and it took a long time for me to explore this trauma.
I sat numb in the shower reflecting on the time where we were supposed to meet at a café at 4pm and he stood me up, not meeting me until hours later. He told me he got stuck babysitting his sister, but it was still hurtful none the less that he hadn’t bothered to let me know until I’d already left the comfort of my hotel room and was at the destination.
Clarkson sings at the climax of the song “it’s like it’s not me”, and I don’t recognise the girl I was back then. I wish I had more self respect and didn’t let myself be abused and broken by him. I deserved so much better.
Saturday 2nd of September was the longest night of my life. It completely depleted me of everything I had left. My self esteem was destroyed and it felt as if my life was over, and at the time, it really was.
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