Colors – Halsey
I have no idea what inspired Tyler to tell me not to come to his party, but I remember how it felt. I’ve had very few mental breakdowns in my life, but this was by far the most intense one. Unfortunately, we will traverse through that experience in the next chapter.
One thing that strays in the narrative is that I don’t actually know if they really just “woke up together” in the reserve. Tyler claimed they did and never had clarity, potentially choosing not to remember.
The lyric from Halsey’s “Colors” is “And now he’s so devoid of color” He really was. He looked like an empty shell and so drained. Too cool to play Overwatch with me anymore. Too exhausted for phone calls.
I always wonder “what if I did go to his birthday and ignored what he asked of me?” But, being the obedient girlfriend I always was, I stayed away and took it out on myself. He destroyed me and I thought I was the problem.
It was supposed to be shown off and adored at his eighteenth birthday, but instead I was hidden and fucked behind closed doors. Was he ashamed of me? Was it ever as special as I thought it was or did I just blame the drugs for his change, never once considering the possibility that maybe he just used me?
I’m still covered in the colors, pulled apart at the seams. I’m still healing.
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